Early in your marriage, you didn’t even have to think about Romance. Or at least it felt so natural to think about it. The “newness” was exciting and the butterflies…oh the butterflies! But as time passes, romance feels less natural in a marriage. Now, your spouse’s stories are a little less impressive the 50th time you’ve heard them. While your love for your partner has grown and matured along with you and your relationship, you also feel less…excited, connected or romantic. It’s not uncommon for what was once a fiery passion to have fizzled out over the years.
All areas of a relationship takes work, and romance in your relationship is no exception. If you’re looking for ways to stoke the fire of romance with your spouse or significant other, below are some tips that can help.
Challenge Yourself to Listen Closely to Your Spouse
It’s always more difficult to hear than to be heard. Even the best listeners struggle to listen at times. You might feel like you know everything there is to know about your partner, but people change. Make an effort to ask more questions, and really listen to your partner’s responses with interest. Try to stay mindful and present in the moment while they are talking. Try to learn something new about your husband or wife in each conversation. Challenge yourself to talk to your spouse as you would if you were getting to know a new friend.
Use Touch to Improve Communication in Your Marriage
Research has shown that physical touch is a form of non-verbal communication that satisfies the desire for a physical connection. A lack of physical touch is often construed as a lack of physical affection, which can greatly decrease relationship satisfaction. Show your partner affection by making an effort to touch your partner’s skin through a hug, a touch of their arm, hand or back. Hold hands and kiss more often. At first, it might feel kind of forced or awkward if it’s been awhile since you felt those romantic feelings. But find small ways to connect and communicate your affection toward your spouse.
Try Something New With Your Spouse
No matter how long you’ve been with your partner, there are bound to be things you’ve wanted to do together that you haven’t gotten around to. Or perhaps there are things you’d love to try that you never thought of before, if only you could discover them. Whether it’s joining a hiking group, trying a new wine bar, or exploring your sexual fantasies, enjoying new and different activities together is sure to help bring back the spark that may be missing from your relationship. Trying something new may help you appreciate one another more or increase the feelings of excitement. At a minimum, it gives you fun new memories to talk about together.
Remember the Best Parts of Your Marriage
Take a summer trip to your honeymoon spot. Maybe recreate your first date. Look through old pictures. Revisiting familiar places when you were just getting to know each other will help remind you both of the how’s and why’s of your love story.
Keep in mind that relationships are never perfect. It’s natural to have ups and downs in any relationship. If you’re going through a difficult time, know that things can improve. I’ve watched couples reconnect and re-ignite the romantic start in their relationship and am confident you can too. With love, trust, and hard work, you can get your relationship with your partner back on the upswing.
Cincinnati Marriage Counseling
Are you and your partner struggling in your relationship? Do these suggestions sound nice but the idea of romance just seem like a distant dream? A licensed therapist specializing in marital and couple’s counseling can help you both work on improving your relationship. At my Cincinnati based counseling office, I specialize in marriage counseling. I help couples at all stages in their relationship from premarital counseling to marriage therapy for couples who have been together for many years. If you are ready to bring the romance into your old relationship, I want to help. Contact me today to set up a free couples counseling consultation for you and your partner.
Individual Therapy Services
If you and/or your partner want to attend individual counseling first, I can help with that as well. I offer anxiety treatment, cognitive behavioral therapy for depression and career counseling. I look forward to exploring how counseling can help you live your best life.
Still Unsure about starting Counseling Services?
Still have questions? It’s normal for one partner or the other to have a lot of questions. You can read my answers to common questions about marriage therapy here or simply schedule a couples counseling intake today to get started!